Unfortunately, the deadbeat daddy is not uncommon in the black community. One guy even jumped out of a window to avoid child support. Why go to such great lengths? As The Black Man’s Black Man explains, it’s not about being a jerk as much as it is a desperate search for something else. Hit the links to read on…
There is an amazing race for relevance many women are unaware of. There is a glaring obstacle ringing the ears of many brothers like a dog whistle. The power of life is our destined opponent; the pressure of performance will be our never-ending challenge. Make no mistake, we men live for power.
But in the chocolate community, brothers don’t dwell in no Wonka factory. This is a land where influence comes far and few between. The hood speaks decibels in its physical deterioration; the community crumbles around us like an old cookie. Deep down inside, we know who is responsible.
If you’ve ever noticed, there are some of today’s black males that are desperate for some sort of control. They’re the ignorant kids spitting a pile of sunflower seeds on the subway. They’re the guys dragging their leg across the seat so you can’t sit down. They’re the dudes with the ornery pit bull on a leash. In their own way, they are projecting a message: “Even in this weird, unorthodox, disrespectful way… I have influence. I have power.”
Even the guys jumping out of a third story window to avoid paying back child support.
The viral report of the moment is Ronald “Boobie” McIntyre, 35, of the 1300 block of North Hudson Avenue was wanted for failing to pay $5,979.66 in court-ordered support for his children. Court records show he has been arrested 14 times and has 80 criminal convictions unrelated to his warrant, according to the sheriff’s office.
The police found his whereabouts and went searching. As they had him cornered on the 8th floor, brother man decided that instead of being arrested and brought to justice, he’d rather risk his life and his body by jumping out of a window to avoid the police.
Think about that for a second…
A man is literally willing to risk his life to avoid being held accountable for his children. Not only is that trifling, it’s terrifying. What a message to send to your children.
But what is lost in the story is the struggle of the black father. In 2010, a brother must possess a tremendous amount of humility and patience, in addition to courage and nerve. He’s got to have enough pride to accept the challenge of responsibility, and possess enough diplomacy to harness the baby’s mother. Why?
No situation can clamp a man’s power quicker than a blue sign on a “First Response,” especially if he isn’t married to her.
Today’s women know their incredible ability to dictate the flow of family. Some just want input. Some use it as leverage for control. And what is a man to do accept fly in their jet stream or take off in another direction? Many a family is broken apart by the struggle of power between father and mother before the child is even born.
The child support courts are overflowing with black fathers reeled in with the fisherman’s net of the law. And due to the power struggles of Willie Lynch sponsored male-female competitions, the face of a family can quickly disintegrate. Suddenly, you’re caught in the corollary of custody battles, shady visitation stories and the magic words of child support.
The last straw to a man’s backbone of pride, his currency is controlled by the emotions of his child’s mother and the swift hammer of an assuming judge. (Because you know, you’re a black man so… you can’t possibly be a good father.) In pleas of desperation to keep control of something, I’ve seen and heard brothers go to the extreme to avoid judgment. Running down alleyways; jumping out of buildings, hiding out like they’re in the witness protection program. Some sabotage their own lives, working odd, under-the-table jobs just so their tax ID won’t show up.
Some dudes will do anything in attempt to tell their baby’s mother: “I’m still the boss here. You can’t make me do anything. I will not let you control me.”
The most amazing tragedy in the mindset of a deadbeat dad is that they are looking for a source of power and influence. They spend so much time avoiding the accountabilities of a family man and the inevitable humility involved with negotiating with a woman.
And yet, their own sense of significance is so desperately needed within their own family. The kids are desperately wishing for that man to exert his power in the home; to exercise his curriculum and to show that he is indeed powerful by being there and supporting them. The women (some of them… emphasis on the word, some) are looking for the man not to submit, but simply to share the wealth of authority.
In fact, the greatest show of power within a man is his ability to share his control through the care of his family. Too bad these brothers aren’t aware.
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It really is a shame that a person allows a power struggle to come between them and their children. We have got to do better. These warp mindsets are destroying our families. There are some great black fathers out here. Unfortunately, they are easily lost in the shadow of the deadbeats.